Jonah Hex

I had no idea that there was a movie that featured Megan Fox and John Malkovich, and it bothers me to know that I was wrong.

This producer did an incredible job of recruiting a top tier cast, plus Megan Fox, and then making an impressively bad film. Seriously, how did John Malkovich, Josh Brolin, Lance Reddick, Michael Fassbender and Aidan Quinn all sign up for this? None of them do a good job, so at least they didn’t take it too seriously.

The plot is a standard western revenge story, mixed with a random superhero destroy the world plot. It’s got some of the worst action scenes I can remember seeing, and rarely makes sense. Having a main character that doesn’t die is lame enough, but he alternates between shooting villains like an old Schwarzenegger movie to struggling in one-on-one fights with random henchmen.

Then there’s some awkward depictions of Native American mysticism and the briefest mention of slavery as part of the Civil War as you’ll probably see outside of a Florida textbook, just thrown in for flavor.

I give this movie a 3, with a full bonus point just for being short with an 81 minute run time. If this was another 30 minutes, I would definitely downgrade it from bad to awful.