Catwoman

Catwoman, the last DC movie I have to watch to finish the collection, was truly excruciating. I knew it was going to be bad, but… wow. There is a scene where Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt play basketball, and it might be the worst movie scene that has ever been or will ever be filmed.

There’s so many issues with the movie that it is hard to know where to start. Some easy ones – not only do the action scenes feature atrocious CGI, but even the sound effects sound cheap. Adam West’s Batman in the 60s could at least capture a reasonable punch sound, but here in the 2000s it’s like the sound department is just guessing at what everything might sound like. I didn’t know sound effects could be this bad.

The characters and acting are also terrible. Benjamin Bratt does a reasonable Benjamin Bratt impression, but Sharon Stone and Halle Berry turn in what is hopefully their lifetime achievement award of bad acting. Starting with Catwoman – Berry’s in a weird revealing leather Catwoman suit that is supposed to be sexy, with a mask on that looks like a Conehead. She steals Michelle Pfeiffer’s awful cat puns, drinks milk, and also plays an awful boring normal lady with an irritating best friend. Then there is the villain, Sharon Stone. Stone hams it up like an 8th grader trying to steal the show in a middle school play. Her lines and delivery are bad, she is part of one of the dumber fight scenes, and the entire interplay between her and Halle Berry is nonsensical.

The worst pieces of this movie are the most important ones – the writing and directing. The plot is bad, the dialogue is verbal nails on a chalkboard, and the plot makes almost no sense. I’m almost positive that the story was drawn up as a series of notes with potential plot points to hit, with lazy attempts to accomplish each disjointed goal loosely woven together by a director who is making his second (and almost last) movie. Seriously, the director’s name is Pitof, and he did one French movie before this, then one TV movie and one music video after.

This is just an awful movie. Unless the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew makes a cover, there is no reason to watch it. 0/10.