Aquaman

I saw this when it first came out, and I remember debating whether or not to just leave the theater. To say I have some reservations about this rewatch is an understatement, but then again I hated some of the DC movies less the second time around. Turns out, I hated Aquaman the correct amount the first time.

This movie takes good actors like Willem Dafoe and Nicole Kidman and makes them completely unwatchable. Do you want to see Kidman bite the head off a fish? Willem Dafoe as an action star? Hear Kidman say, mournfully, that where she comes from the sea wipes her tears away so that she can’t feel them? Then this movie might be for you! I can’t tell if Jason Momoa or Amber Heard are good actors after this. If Kidman and Dafoe are embarrassing themselves, of course everyone else is as well.

The story is, once again, unnecessarily complex. Instead of the story being about Aquaman trying to stop a war, or become king, or save lives, or any one specific thing, the story makes it all of those. Add in a subplot, a fight for revenge for his lost mom, a random second super villain who serves absolutely no purpose but to wear a ridiculous outfit, and you have the makings of the disaster that is Aquaman.

For all of the other horrible parts to this film, the action scenes take up the majority of the screen time. They are also mostly incredibly stupid. The longest scene in the movie (at least it felt like the longest) involves giant crab people fighting shark and seahorse people with lasers and spaceships. It is so, so, so stupid and has no actual bearing on the movie. There are multiple other fight scenes, many of which are also not that fun, as everyone is basically invulnerable or a throwaway character.

It’s an awful movie. I give it a 2.