A night after finishing the original Batman, I fought my way through Batman Returns as I continue my journey through this hot mess of a series. I remember it being decent from my last viewing, but twenty years later it is downright bad. I had a moment during the movie where I was trying to decide if I just don’t like Tim Burton and have never known it. This is a few weeks after seeing Big Fish, and raving about his work there. Two brutal Batman movies later, and here I am.
Unlike the original Batman, there is no Jack Nicholson (and no Prince). That was pretty much all the first film had going for it. Instead, Michael Keaton continues his most boring performance, while Danny Devito and Michelle Pfeiffer swing at miss at being entertainingly campy. Christopher Walken also exists in this movie. The plot is complete nonsense, the characters stink, the dialogue is a disaster. I have no idea why I’m even giving it a 2, except it helped pass the time in the middle of a long night. Looking at reviews on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, I am just baffled. Has the last 20 years of superhero movies just spoiled me on the belief that you can have a comic book movie not be dreadful?
Spoilers
It’s not really a spoiler, but here are some of my least favorite moments in the movie. Number one with a bullet – Catwoman saying she needs a bath and licking herself. In no particular order after:
Danny Devito eating raw fish,
Batman having magic Penguin mind control technology,
Catwoman and Batman’s relationship, all of it.
There’s a lot of other stuff to complain about, but there’s a certain point where there’s so much absurdity that it doesn’t even matter any more.
My Score
IMDB Score
RT Critics
82
RT Audience
73